I battered and bruised my self-esteem every day. And I didn’t even realise I was doing it.
Every time I glanced at my reflection, I’d scoff. I’d roll my eyes and curse myself for not being thinner. Not having a flawless complexion. Not being anything like Kate Moss on the red carpet, or size 0 women on the front page of Cosmo magazine. I wouldn’t eat without knowing precisely how many calories I was adding to my body. And I’d exercise like an addict to try and erase my calorie-count to 0.
When I looked in the mirror, there were too many flaws to count. It was as if my voice had been stolen by my low self-esteem. And she used my voice every day to tell me how pathetic, worthless, and ugly I was. And without my voice, how could I fight back?
It wasn’t a fair fight. And - if I’m honest with you - I waved a white flag and surrendered to its control.
Living under the reign of my low self-esteem was a constant battle
And I know you know what I’m talking about when I say “I couldn’t speak to anyone about it”. Friends and family would try to break through the armour and barricades my low-self esteem had positioned inside my mind. They’d tell me “but you’re beautiful” over and over again.
But the words never registered. Like you, I felt completely isolated.
So, I decided to make a change.
The beginning of the end of my low self-esteem’s reign
I enrolled in University to study Psychology and Health. Little by little, I reclaimed my voice by learning the mechanics and battle-strategies low self esteem was putting into action inside my mind.
After graduating with a 1st class degree, my low self-esteem took a knock and a half. And it knew, at that moment, I was on a mission to take back what was mine. I strengthened my knowledge even further by completing a Masters degree in Forensic Psychology. Something clicked - like when the right key turns and grants you access. And suddenly, my self-esteem was powerless. Slaying it came from knowing: I am more than my body.
I finally had my voice back.