How Can I Stop Feeling Guilty When I Take Time for Myself?

You finally sit down.
Hot tea in hand, your favorite blanket pulled over your lap, a new book read and waiting, and then it hits. The self-care guilt.

That voice.

Shouldn’t I be doing something right now?
Is this lazy? Am I just being selfish?

Sound familiar?

If you’re feeling guilty for taking time for yourself, you’re not alone. So many women carry this invisible weight, the belief that rest must be earned and that our needs come last.

But what if we’ve been taught something that’s simply not true?

Let’s unpack where that guilt comes from and, more importantly, how to release it so you can care for yourself without apology.

Where the Guilt Comes From

The self-care guilt you feel? It didn’t appear out of nowhere. It was taught, layer by layer, moment by moment.

Maybe it started when you saw your mum rushing around without ever sitting down. Maybe it came from teachers praising “selfless” girls. Or a workplace that celebrated burnout like a badge of honor.

We’ve been conditioned, by culture, generations, and social messaging, to believe that “good women” put everyone else first. That we’re only valuable if we’re constantly doing.

But here’s the truth: rest is not selfish. It’s necessary.

Taking time for yourself doesn’t mean you’re neglecting anyone. It means you’re caring for yourself too, and that’s not only okay, it’s necessary.

Still struggling to untangle that guilt? My free Body Image Boost workbook offers gentle, actionable steps to help you shift how you see yourself and give yourself permission to slow down. You deserve that breath of fresh air.

What Self-Care Really Is (and Isn’t)

Let’s get one thing straight: self-care isn’t all candles and face masks (although those can be lovely).

True self-care is much deeper. It’s about noticing your needs and honoring them, setting boundaries, rest, presence, and healing, not just indulgence.

Self-Care is saying:

• “I’m allowed to rest.”
• “My needs matter.”
• “I don’t have to earn care.”

It’s not checking out, it’s checking in.

Because here’s the thing: you can’t pour from an empty cup. That’s not just a cute Pinterest quote. It’s literal biology. When you’re depleted, everything suffers, your focus, your mood, your ability to show up for yourself, the people and your life as a whole.

Self-care isn’t a reward for being “good” or something we do when we are burnt out. It’s there to prevent getting to that point. That’s why self-care needs to be seen as a daily habit and not a rescue mission.

Four Reframes to Help You Let Go of the Self-Care Guilt

Sometimes, it takes more than good advice to release self-care guilt. It takes a full-on mindset shift. Here are four that can help.

1. Rest Isn’t a Luxury, It’s a Necessity

You are a human being, not a robot. You weren’t made to go, go, go.

Rest isn’t indulgent. It’s what allows you to function well, think clearly, and feel like you.
You don’t need to earn downtime by running yourself into the ground. You’re already worthy of rest.

And the more you rest, the more present, energised, and engaged you can be in every area of your life.

2. You’re a Person Too

You are not just a mom. Or a manager. Or a partner.
You are a whole person with your own needs, and you’re allowed to meet them.

Try this reframe:
“Taking time for me isn’t neglecting others. It’s helping me show up better for them.”

When you rest, you don’t disappear. You replenish, and that’s a gift to everyone around you.

3. Self-Care Isn’t Selfish, It’s Strategic

Want to be more patient, focused, creative, and emotionally balanced? That doesn’t come from pushing harder. It comes from knowing when to pause.

Think of rest like charging your phone. You don’t wait until it’s dead, you plug it in regularly to keep it going strong. You deserve that same care.

4. You Teach Others How to Treat You

Especially if you’re raising kids or leading a team, people are watching. And whether you realize it or not, you’re modeling something.

If you treat rest like it’s shameful, others will, too. But if you normalise self-care, you give permission for those around you to do the same.

And if you’re feeling stuck in the cycle of self-care guilt and burnout? My 1:1 coaching sessions are designed to support you through it, with grace, honesty, and a plan that actually works.

Practical Ways to Start Small (Without the Guilt)

You don’t have to book a weekend retreat to practice self-care. Try this instead:

• Block rest time in your calendar like a meeting. It’s just as important.
• Communicate your needs: “I’m taking 30 minutes to recharge so I can be more present later.”
• Start small: Even 10-minute breaks can shift your energy and reset your nervous system.
• Use affirmations to replace self-care guilt-thoughts:
  • “I’m allowed to rest.”
  • “This makes me a better me.”
  • “My needs matter too.”

You can even create a permission slip for yourself:
“I hereby give myself full permission to rest without guilt or explanation.”

Stick it on your fridge. Say it out loud. Let it settle in.

If Self-Care Guilt Still Sneaks In…

Here’s the thing: guilt is sneaky. Even when you know better, it can still show up.

When it does:

• Pause and acknowledge it. “Oh hey, guilt. I see you.”
• Ask where it came from: Was it a message you learned growing up? Something society conditioned you to believe?
• Challenge it: Is it actually true that rest makes you less valuable?
• Flip it: Would you expect this of someone you love?

Write it down. Journal it out. Say it aloud.

This is what rewriting old beliefs looks like, gently, consistently, and with lots of self-compassion.

And if you want more structure, The Beyond the Mirror Membership was built for this. It’s a space where rest is honored, guilt is unlearned, and women are reminded that they are enough, even when they pause.

You’re Not Lazy – You’re Human

Let’s put this myth to rest once and for all:

Needing rest doesn’t mean you’re lazy. It means you’re alive.

You’re not failing because you need a break. You’re thriving when you honor your limits.

So breathe. Put the book down if you want. Or pick it up and read it with joy. Sit. Nap. Stare at the ceiling. Whatever helps you reconnect to you, that matters.

And no, you don’t have to wait until you’ve “earned it.”

You are allowed to feel good, now, not someday.

You are enough. Just as you are.

xxx