Why Is Accepting Compliments So Uncomfortable Sometimes?

If you struggle with body confidence or carry even a trace of body shame, accepting compliments can feel more like a trap than a gift. Maybe you’ve noticed it: you receive a kind word about how you look, or how you showed up, and your first instinct is to deflect.

You might laugh, but your stomach tightens. Maybe you brush it off, but later, when you’re alone, you replay the moment, wondering why you couldn’t just say thank you without feeling like a fraud.

Why does this happen? Why is something as simple as accepting compliments such a challenge for so many women?

Here’s the truth: it rarely has anything to do with the compliment itself. More often, it’s a quiet reflection of deeper body shame, shaky self-worth, and the stories we’ve carried about who gets to feel confident, and who doesn’t.

Why We Reject Compliments: The Psychology

Most of us don’t realise that rejecting or minimising compliments is a learned habit, not an innate reaction. If you’ve spent years feeling disconnected from body confidence, being on the receiving end of admiration can feel like unfamiliar territory, one you’re not sure how to navigate safely.

Psychology offers some insight here. One explanation is the Impostor Phenomenon, which describes the inner experience of feeling like a fraud despite evident success or praise. This can also manifest in body image. When someone compliments how you look or who you are, it clashes with the critical narrative you’ve rehearsed internally.

It’s like when a friend tells you, ‘You look amazing in that dress,’ but all you can think about is how tight it felt around your waist an hour ago. Their words bounce off because they can’t stick to the story you’ve told yourself. That gap creates discomfort, almost like your brain is trying to reject what doesn’t match your perceived truth.

Then there’s cultural conditioning. For women especially, there’s a persistent double bind: be confident, but not too confident. Accept praise, but not without humility. From a young age, we’re taught that it’s safer to downplay our beauty, our talents, our presence. Owning it fully? That gets you labelled.

You’ve probably heard those labels before, or maybe even felt them directed at you. Conceited. Full of herself. Too much. How many of us learned to stay small just to stay liked?

And so, rejecting compliments becomes a form of social safety. If you brush off the praise, you can’t be accused of arrogance. If you pretend not to notice the nice things people say, you stay small and acceptable.

But here’s the problem: that protective habit doesn’t build body confidence. It deepens body shame. Because every time you push kindness away, you’re also reinforcing the belief that you don’t deserve it.

What It Says About Your Relationship With Yourself

Have you ever stopped to ask: If I can’t accept kindness from others, what kindness am I denying myself?

This question can feel tender, but it’s worth sitting with. Deflecting compliments is rarely just about the words exchanged. It’s a window into how we see ourselves when we’re not being observed. If praise feels suspicious or uncomfortable, it may be because your inner dialogue doesn’t often sound that kind.

If your default is standing in front of the mirror, tugging at your shirt or pinching at your waist, mentally circling everything that needs fixing, your skin, the curve of your hips, the way your stomach spills over your waistband, then, of course, praise feels suspicious. It doesn’t match the script you recite in your head.

This is why internalised body shame is so persistent. It teaches us to expect scrutiny, not admiration. And when admiration comes, our first instinct is to question it: What’s their angle? Are they just being polite? Do they actually mean it?

In one of our earlier conversations about body confidence, we explored that the heart of the issue isn’t whether your body meets a standard of beauty, but about the relationship you’ve built with it. When that relationship is strained, compliments can feel like an intrusion instead of an affirmation.

A Gentle Practice: The Compliment Pause

So, how do we change this?

There’s a simple practice I offer clients who struggle with accepting compliments. It’s called The Compliment Pause.

What if, instead of brushing it off, you paused? Just for a second. Take a breath. Let the words land, awkwardness and all. Even if your instinct is to push them away. Then, simply say: ‘Thank you.’

That’s it. No qualifiers. No ‘but actually…’ No shifting the focus to someone else.

It might seem small, but that pause interrupts the reflex to reject. It gives your body and nervous system a moment to register safety in being seen positively. Over time, this builds a new script, one where receiving affirmation isn’t dangerous, but nourishing.

And if it feels fake at first, that’s okay. You’re not pretending; you’re practising. Accepting compliments can feel foreign when body shame has been your native language. But practice creates fluency.

How Accepting Kindness Builds Safety in Your Body

The more you practice The Compliment Pause, the more you’re teaching your nervous system that it’s safe to be affirmed. This is how sustainable body confidence grows, not through forced positivity, but through building psychological safety when people reflect something good about you.

Think of it like this: every compliment you accept is a brick in the foundation of trust between you and yourself. It’s evidence that not all reflections are critical. Some are kind. Some are true, even if your inner critic resists believing it.

And when you let that kindness land, something begins to shift. You start to see that confidence is about allowing yourself to be seen without shrinking. Without apology. Without suspicion.

This is the difference between performative confidence and embodied confidence. The former depends on constant effort to appear secure. The latter comes from knowing, deep down, that you are worthy of good things, including the words people offer you.

It’s Not Just Politeness. It’s Practice.

Here’s something else to consider: people usually mean their compliments. Most of us aren’t trained to say nice things we don’t mean, especially unprompted. When someone says, ‘You look beautiful today,’ or ‘You did that so well,’ it’s a reflection of what they genuinely see, even if you’re not used to seeing it yourself.

What would it feel like to believe them? Even just a little? It’s how you begin replacing the reflex of rejection with a habit of receptivity.

And it doesn’t happen overnight. But with every small moment of thank you, you’re telling your body, We’re safe here. We’re allowed to feel good.

Ready to Practice This Together?

If you’re noticing how often you reject compliments, know that you’re not alone, and you’re not failing at confidence. You’re just running a script that was written long ago.

But you can rewrite it.

If you want support practising this in real life, join our free Facebook group, Beyond the Mirror, where we’re gently retraining our minds to receive kindness and believe it.

And if you’re curious about what might be blocking you from feeling confident in your skin, take my free Body Confidence Quiz. It’s designed to help you uncover the hidden patterns, like deflecting compliments, that keep body shame alive.

You can stand a little taller next time. Let it in, just enough to remind yourself that goodness belongs to you, too. You can practice standing still, breathing it in, and saying thank you.

That alone is a form of healing.

And remember: accepting compliments isn’t about vanity. It’s about allowing yourself to experience the truth that you are already enough, whether or not you believe it yet.

What if the next compliment you receive isn’t something to dodge, but an invitation to see yourself differently?

xxx